Reaching towards the end of my pregnancy, I thought I would take a little time to reflect on the changing of relationships that have occured during this year. As I draw even closer to becoming a mother, I really have noticed a difference in so many ways-some good and unfortunately, some bad. They always say that when you are pregnant you find out 'who your true friends are'. I wouldn't necessarily agree with the wording of that statement but I certainly would agree that you find out who loves you for YOU and who is willing to stay loyal in your life.
I have always been the type of person to go out of my way to be there for people, to ask how they are and to arrange to meet up. I used to think this was a great trait to have but it can really have its downsides, i.e: you can easily be conned into thinking people like you when in fact it's you who makes all the effort. Don't get my wrong, being kind and caring is a wonderful thing and I will always be that way. However it's when you become TOO nice that relationships can become a problem. It's not about 'not caring' but it's about knowing when to take a step back when relationships just become too one-sided. It's at this point in your life you MUST rid yourself of anyone who takes advantage and doesn't bother.
During my pregnancy, I have learnt a lot about myself and how immature I can be and in turn, I have learnt to be a bit more mature with my emotions and how I react to things. It's a fact that some people just aren't interested in babies or motherhood or how far along you are in your pregnancy-it's just simply not of interest to them. That's all fine because it allows you to see amongst your circle of friends, who is just there for the old you and who is there for the person you are about to become. The type of friend I think is perfect isn't neccessarily one who has to be obsessed with all the same things you are but one who takes the time to send you a text to ask, 'How is it all going?' and to show a little excitement in the same things you do-even if they're not in that stage of their life. I have seen people drift away from my life but I have also seen new people surface who I couldn't be without now-those are the people who care enough to text or to message you sometimes even when they have a lot going on in their lives. I really couldn't do without those people and I'm lucky that I can still say I have a few like that in my life.
I am still working on my sensitivity to things. I want my daughter to share that trait of mine but not in the same way because for me, it has often become a damaging trait which leaves me upset for sometimes, trivial reasons. For example, earlier this week I sent out an email to everyone I work with to say a little goodbye (I have unfortunately been signed off so I haven't been to work since the beginning of June) and the share the news of my due date, wishing them all a happy Summer. Out of everyone I got just two replies. For most people, who would simply just shrug it off, I took it very personally and ended up automatically thinking that no one cared (I know deep down this isn't true). It's things like that, which lead me to be so over sensitive, that I want to learn how to deal with in a better way.
Back to changing relationships-I have also seen many positive changes which I have really embraced during pregnancy. I have become friends with other mums and mums to be who have shared invaluable advice and even though we may have never spoken much previously, it doesn't matter because we now have that link which means we can relate to eachother. A few months ago I joined a Facebook group for other mums to be due in September and I've gotten to know a great bunch of people-again I wouldn't have known these people if I wasn't pregnant. That doesn't mean however I just want friends who are pregnant or who are mums-I have some friends who I speak to regularly, who even though may not always be interested in my constant baby babbling, always take time to care and chat to me.
Me and Michael have grown even closer as we almost reach that time we become parents. We have always had what I like to think as a special and unique bond-one in which we're best friends as well as partners. I often use the word 'soulmate' and it may come across as overly sentimental but I believe it's true with us. To see Michael, each and every day, talk to my bump and to see the excitement in his eyes just makes me fill up with emotion. If I could ever be certain of one thing, it's that he is going to make such a wonderful father who will never let our daughter down.
My mum and I have always been extremely close but now her baby is about to have a baby herself, we have grown even closer and she shares with me everything I need to expect and the sort of invaluable care and advice you can only get from your own mum. She is there constantly for me, without question and having to do the job of both a mother and a father makes me feel so truely respectful of all she has done and I hope that I can be as wonderful as she is as a mother to me.
So thank you, to those who these past months have been there to share this journey with me. To those who have drifted or just simply not bothered...thank you too, it's shown me what and who really matters in my life and many lessons have been learnt along the way.
xoxo
0 comments:
Post a Comment